Miscarriage: You Might Lose It

People always say when you get pregnant that you shouldn't tell anyone cause you might lose it.

To tell you the truth, I did and I didn't and I did - and I don't know that it was the right answer. I don't know that there is a right answer.  On one hand, I’m glad that not many people know because I wouldn’t want to be asked about it constantly – and then on the other – I feel alone with this burden to carry.  We told just our immediate family we were pregnant and just a couple of friends.  And it’s strange because you think these people who were SO excited for us would be by our sides through the loss.  I can’t say that was the case.  Our parents and siblings, yes; but our close friends and grandparents, no.  Crazy enough, we feel more disconnected from the few people who know we suffered a loss than the ones that had no idea we were pregnant because the ones that know have failed us over and over.  They haven’t asked how we’re doing, they’ve made comments that are hurtful or unsupportive or have just avoided us altogether.  It’s hard.  When I dwell on that, I wish no one knew, but at the same time, it’s such a lonely, desperate feeling to know you have a broken heart and no one knows.

It’s also hard because my husband and I have grieved differently and that difference makes me feel less close to him.  I think (and this is my perspective – maybe not reality) that I’d classify the loss for him as a disappointment.  For me, it was a gut blow.  I felt guilty like I’d done something to cause it.  Anguish for the loss of something I wanted so bad.  Pain because no one tells you miscarriage physically hurts so much.  Jealous of skinnier, happier, multiple children mothers.  Judged as a failure by my friends and by his family and the few people who knew.  Broken.  And because he’s moved on, I feel guilty to bring it up, but I need to talk about it and I worry I annoy him by talking about it so I don’t.